CHARLIE

Tags

bummin', CHARLIE, double standard, kickit, kirk out, relationships suck, single

 Sooooo I tend to not do this when I actually have stuff going on, so I figured I would try to start now. The whole truth is that I left Eric. My little heart is hurting. This is typical me. Flockingto the next guy to make me whole again. Like a loser! So who do I pick this time? The fucking cleaning guy Charlie!! Ok, so he’s a little younger and he’s still not ready to grow up. But at the same time he’s right where he needs to be and if anything we could just have fun. But why can’t anyone understand just normal fun. Like damn can we watch a movie and not have sexual contact. Like maybe I just want to watch a movie in the company of a man. I’m not the dating kind. I am the we are in a relationship before we know it type. And even though it hasn’t worked in the past I still just want my relationship to happen organically. So I know the guy, and he’s a good looking fella. He makes me laugh and we have interesting conversation. He seems interested when I talk. Well the details are this. From the beginning, I totally messed up. It’s true ladies! You can’t sell the cow, when they’re getting the milk for free. I sort of, kind of gave it up…. Oooops!

And in true punk fashion he disappears. Shame on me, right? Duh. I liked him and to be honest I totally regretted it. Now he’s stuck with this impression of me, and I’ll never be able to live it down. Oh my goodness!!!!! He could wake up tomorrow and tell the next one that he’s ready to commit and she would believe him and fight in his defense against any hoe saying otherwise about her man. Now don’t get me wrong some times that “thang” can be a game changer for some dudes. I get it. It sets some of them straight, but chances are he just wants to see what he can get. Now in this case Charlie didn’t get the best of me, but he got me for sure. It sucks. I knew that I should’ve played my cards differently, but it had been a long time, and the kid isn’t ugly. Moving on, things were never awkward between us, life just went on. It happened and I figured it was in the past. 

Then he comes out of nowhere with this stupid half dead flower and I thought it was a little cute, and honestly what can you expect from these guys anyway. Sorry about the generic man rant, but I’m in that zone right now. Ok so, I thought I might have a chance to make him see me differently.  I was a good girl and I finally got to watch the Avengers, because I have a weird thing about going to theaters. I only go with family. 

Whatever, so on two separate occasions we watched a flick. Fast forward to today and he’s saying he’s onto the next, and this kid tells me he that he ain’t the kind to kick it if he already knows what I’m working with. OOOOOOOOOO!!! That was rough. Seriously it hurt, but it’s true. 

So I guess the new girl is giving it up, and that sort of hurts too. I mean there wasn’t a lot of time or  emotion invested and I’ll literally be over it and have a great day tomorrow, but tonight sort of just blows. Mostly, because the truth is, I was digging the kid. 

Monday is over

Well it was a good Monday for me, and Mondays usually are good for me. They are routine, easy, and they mean I get to hear Eric’s voice. The weekends usually tend to suck, and the only upside to them are that I don’t have to wake up to an alarm. 

This particular weekend I decide to go wild, and go out. EPIC FAIL. I was too nervous to drink and I was extremely uncomfortable. That’s pretty much the jist…

Onto more interesting things, The real housewives of Orange County is on and I need to listen!!! I have to say though, I adore Heather and her controlling ways!!!

Old stomping grounds

Ok so technically my birthday is next week, and I wasn’t supposed to go out until then, but it simply couldn’t wait. Oh the problem is I’m out and this is what I’m doing with my time. Actually I’m waiting for my little bestie to show up.

This could quite possibly be a huge disaster. Truth be told, Eric pissed me off and I’m choosing the childish route. Only I won’t be breaking my promise to drink. I hope, and here goes…. 

What are you doing tonight?

That’s always the big question on Friday night. My answers now are vague, cold, and sometimes just rude. My birthday is coming up and the truth is while I don’t want to actually do anything.Would it be too much to ask that someone plan something for me? I feel like it’s a waste. My birthday is on a Friday, and I don’t have a single thing I want to do. Like so much so that my mind runs away with me and I think I have to go out. 

That’s what I did. I went to a happy hour last Friday. It was one of the most dreadful times I’ve ever experienced. Some good friends were there and they helped me get through it, but it was still mostly unbearable. I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m doing with my birthday.

 

Just over thinking and being a pain in the ass. I’ve decided I’m just going to be with the people that love me most. My amazing mother, beautiful sisters, and my babies. 

Only there is one last person, and Eric will be coming into town. He is everything that I love and hate most about men. He makes everything worse and all better at the same time. 

The truth is, I love him. Today he promised he’d see me for my birthday. This week will be forever until I see his face. Because this weekend I will tell him how I feel. 

Here’s hoping 

Here goes

It’s a very cool spring day and I’m spending it watching my favorite movie Gilda. Rita Hayworth is stunning and you better believe I’m the girl that watches Dirty Dancing like it’s a religion.

The truth is I’m a girls girl, but I don’t have many girlfriends. I’m a single woman in the live music capitol of the world. It’s been over a year since my last relationship and recently I wouldn’t say I VOWED, but I made a very serious commitment to abstaining from sex until I find myself in a committed relationship.

This will be how I express myself throughout this journey if you will. So, how did I get here? Well that would call for the end of my last relationship. It was about two years long and it was quite honestly it was a beautiful relationship that I greatly cherish. It ended badly in more than one way. The shock at the end of that relationship was widespread and damaging. I lashed out like a rabid little whore. It was an embarrassing point of my life.

It was the first time I found myself single in my adult life and I did what I  thought I was supposed to at 22 years old. There weren’t a ton of guys. Three to be honest and they each served a different purpose to make a whole boyfriend actually. I hope I’m not the only one that does this, but I said I would be honest.

And to be honest the two of the three managed to eliminate themselves from my life. One remains and he truthfully has only been my friend. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want more, but thankfully that hasn’t come up. The decision came from an incident that involved another friend of mine. At a friend’s house after a few drinks I found myself in a scary situation with someone I believed to be my friend. I couldn’t have left that place sooner. It’s past and I wasn’t hurt, but I’m now more than ever  aware of things around me. I mean I was pretty aware before, but that’s why this was such a shock to me, because I am careful with friends.

It had already been a few months since I’d been with anyone, so the transition isn’t difficult, but it feels so cold turkey. I can’t remember the last time a man even hugged me. Last night was my first little test of temptation.  You know that gorgeous guy that’s very blessed in that area. Yeah that guy text me yesterday. I was very proud of myself for denying him.

This was the first time that I really felt like I might not be able to stay fully committed to my promise. Not just because I got my first little taste of attention, but because I keep wanting to get out a little more. After that man that I thought was my friend crossed the line I just sort of shut down and I stopped wanting to do things. Now I find myself wanting to get back to some sort of normal.

The truth is… I’m just another young single woman trying to find herself in a city where we like to keep it weird.